Conversion Therapy Illegal in Canada :-)
Eventually my heart would "want" to believe that LGBTQ+ persons could, and should, be able to truly belong within the church, but even at that point it would take years before I was able to fully embrace an inclusive AND affirming position of acceptance and celebration.
The fact that supporting the "pray the gay away" mentality was such an easy thing for me to do seems now to be an absurdity. I would've argued all day that I truly loved LGBTQ+ people, but my understanding of what "love" was would be closer to justifying a doormat with the words, "Everyone is welcome...as long as you change." Perhaps my version of love had an agenda of befriending someone who was LGBTQ+ so they might one day see their sin, repent, and be freed from their evil identity and lifestyle. Or maybe my version of love was to show them I would accept them as they were but it was God who disapproved of them and therefore I could side-step the accusation of being judgmental, even though I actually still was.
I'm sure all of those existed somewhere in my head and heart along my journey.
And there isn't just one instance that I can point to which ultimately changed my heart on this matter. I read books, "Christian" books, across the spectrum on the topic, supporting various positions from being completely blinded by sin to being fully affirmed and celebrated just as they are. And I honestly tried to understand each authors perspective and appreciate how they came to the conclusions they arrived at. And the more I read the more I sensed my heart beginning to shift.
And then there's contact bias. Although I had a few people in my life who had "come out" over a period of time, it was when I began to actually experience friendship with them which began to soften my heart. Can I just say here how incredibly gracious, patient, loving, and understanding my LGBTQ+ friends have been to me. Some of the stories I have heard of shame, abuse, shunning, and even being treated as if they didn't exist, are simply horrifying.
And then there was the statistics regarding LGBTQ+ kids who came out to their "Christian" parents and were immediately treated like shit. The suicide rates within such homes is sickening, and this really began to get me to thinking...as a young parent what would I do if one of my kids came out as LGBTQ+? How would I respond? How would I treat them? What agenda would I have with them? And the more honest I was with my answer to those questions, especially the more I dove into the life of Jesus, the more my heart began to break for those who simply wanted to be themselves but had been told they were broken, in denial, shameful, destined to hell, and essentially not truly human. My undoing was imminent.
I began to reach out to my LGBTQ+ friends and ask them for forgiveness, and to help me better understand what life was like from their perspective. You see, my privileges of being a white cisgendered heterosexual male meant that there were thoughts and experiences I had never even fathomed before. Perspectives I hadn't ever given a thought to. And as I listened to their stories my heart sank deeper and deeper into despair as I recalled the numerous times I had been the accuser, the judge, the finger pointer, the asshole.
On the one hand I was eager for people to experience a connection with the Creator, the Christ, and on the other hand there were not only limitations but also impossibilities for those who identified as LGBTQ+. They would not only need Christ, but they would also need to give up their desire for an earthly relationship with a companion...the only real solution for them to somewhat belong in the church was to choose celibacy. And I bought into the idea that this was "their cross to bear;" that identifying as LGBTQ+ simply meant there was only so far you could go within the walls of the church. You were welcome but not allowed to fully participate and engage.
I've come to see it like this. Imagine I have my LGBTQ+ friend over for a lovely dinner and we have a wonderful joyous conversation around the table, and when it's time to clean up I get up and walk around the Island to where the dirty dishes are and I start doing the dishes. My LGBTQ+ friend gets up and starts walking over to help when I ask them what they're doing?!? "Oh, I thought I could come help clean up..." my friend might say. And I would respond with, "Oh, well, you see, that would indeed be wonderful but because you're gay I can't let you do that...you see, the big man upstairs says you're unclean so it kind of defeats the point of washing the dishes, right?" I can only imagine what facial expression my friend (well, probably not a friend for much longer) might have in that moment. Perhaps confusion, perplexity, sabotage, anger, shock, and even outright despair. But what I am sure of is that as they turn around and walk out my front door it may very well be the last time I ever see them again. It's in this moment that my hearts breaks, both for the person who may feel it's their job to tell another person they don't belong, and for the guest who is so deeply wounded by who they thought was a friend.
I'm not here to offer some argument or convincing list of reasons why I believe our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters should be affirmed as equals among the rest of us (if you're curious then begin with a posture of humility and engage with those who are LGBTQ+ and maybe read about 5-10 books on the subject first)...but once I crossed the line between judgement and affirmation I can say the amount of joy in my life exponentially increased :-)
This past week Canada made Conversion Therapy illegal. Praise the Lord! The Church has had the opportunity to lead the way in repentance and reconciliation with LGBTQ+ persons on these matters and instead has fought hard to appeal both the ideas and this decision...what an exercise in missing the point!
The Church should be the most welcoming, affirming, safe, non-judgmental space within a community, and yet so many churches have experienced declining numbers and younger generations seeing through the hypocrisy of a "bait & switch" type agenda with those who don't fit into the privileged box.
The time has come and is coming where churches who stand against humanity will have their lamps snuffed out, their influence in their communities removed, and their doors shut. It's happening all around us and I've seen it in my own community over the past decade like a ticking time bomb. It's time for the Church to wake up, but a deeply rooted fear that by embracing our fellows humans is somehow not in God's plan for this world will only serve as a reminder of how proud and entitled the church has become.
Parable after parable Jesus tried to show his followers that his kingdom was an upside down movement, that it was always those on the edges for whom we must embrace and welcome into our midst...and our agenda need only be to extend love, acceptance, and grace. When we invite people to a table for a feast but aren't willing to let them participate in a foot washing ceremony, we have completely and entirely missed the point of the gospel.
May we seek to extend the Christ love to one another beyond our fears of upsetting God because we loved without conditions. Maybe it's time for us to stop sorting people out and start being guilty of loving and embracing others in the messiness, confusion, pain, and questioning of all that life brings to the table. And may we find joy in opening our arms wide as we invite all to the table, because everyone belongs.
Shalom Friends :-)
Thank you for these words and for being brave enough to share them.
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